newness

it surely is a new season w/ the beginning of this new year. new personal realizations, new stages in toddler-ness...

the personal realizations are many...i am realizing the state of the economy as we investigate to refinance the house or add a construction loan on to add onto the house and it doesn't seem practical nor affordable right now. or even reasonable. so it could be a long while before baby boy has a sibling, i don't think i could mentally handle 4 people living in our tiny tiny house. it's perfect size for us now but to add one more would be pushing it. and pushing my saneness...i mean, not that we've been planning for another by ANY means yet, but we know it's in the future so it's good to plan ahead right??? so we just need to wait things out i guess until things (hopefully) settle down w/ the economy & we can either move or add on...i am also realizing that i really should not go back to school until we are done having kids and they are atleast in elementary school. for one, school loan money is coming harder to find and two, i'll have more free time during the days they're in school w/ a schedule like mine right now so that'll free up more time for school. i want to enjoy every second of life that i can right now while elias is still dependent on us, and through the hardships, i'm loving every minute of it...which leads to...

new stages in toddler-ness...the boy has been growing & developing in so many ways. one of them being ornreyness...he has got the fit throwing bit down flat. the raising of the arms, throwing back of the head - and days like yesterday when he didn't take a nap, it really made me have a melt down before i had to go to work. it's hard trying to please someone allll day who just does not seem happy with anything you do. and when you leave him alone, he throws a fit that you're not right beside him. and then you go to work and try to please old people all night who seem unappreciative...but after the day of hardships is over, i have to keep coming back to realization (and i'm sure i'll be reminded of this over & over) that it's all a learning lesson. my job as a parent is to stay calm & direct him how to react in his meltdowns (or walk away from them so he gets that that's not what we pay attention to for him to get his way!) and it's up to me to be strong at play AND at work. it's not about what i get in return, it's about what i can give...and that's the reason i chose to be a parent & a nursing asst in the first place. just some days are longer & harder than others...and the rewards in between make it worth while.